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Let's see.. I haven't posted an actual entry since August 28th.

Not even a week after that I found out my Mom has cancer.

It was at that point I kind of forced myself into this "searching for myself state". Cheesey, yeah, but these past 2 months or so, since I found out she had cancer, have been very eye opening to me.

I've always wanted to talk about it in here. How I felt, what I was thinking.. but not only was it very difficult to express, but I just would rather keep it to myself. Mostly because I didn't like to think about it.

She's okay. She was in the hospital for about a month, was home for 3 weeks or so, and is back in the hospital for more treatment. We're not really sure how long she will need treatment, but hey, as long as she gets better.

I kind of hid from updating mostly because I didn't know where to begin. Lots has happened. But, I figured what would be best is to give a very quick run down.

I can drive now.
Jessie and I are great.
I have a new found motivation for school.
I'm poor as hell.

I've also been planning things a lot lately. A great escape, if you will. I've decided that I am sticking with the 2 years at AiP I am currently in. I sort of don't have much of a choice due to the way my loans were handled.. because I'll be paying out my ass when I finish these 2 years, but honestly I could get that figured out if I wanted to continue 4. The main purpose for this is that I want to start my life. Jumping the gun? No. I don't think so. I'm doing the final 2 years, I swear it, but just not now. I want a solid footing before I do anything further like that. I can't live with my parents another 2 years.. and I can't move out if I'm still going to school. It's just like that. I honestly feel like I'm ready to begin, and in retrospect, I'm glad I chose to do 2 years. Ok.. so.. I won't be as skilled as I would like to be.. and maybe I won't be ready to start a steady job in the Graphic Design field.. but I'm confident. I'm confident that with alittle experience I will be just fine. Meaning.. the plan is to jump straight into freelancing hardcore the second I get out of school. The idea behind that is to get REAL experience and maybe use that to get an actual Graphic Design Job. Granted.. it's very possible to get a Graphic Design job right out of school and with the associates degree I'll be getting.. but, I'm not expecting it. Mainly because yeah, I won't be skilled enough at that point. I know I won't be, and I've accepted that. But, who said I still can't stretch what I have and improve?

Ok, maybe not the greatest plan for getting out of school.. but you know what, life is about surprises. I am very confident about this. One step at a time, you know? I dunno, just, I'm ready to start my life, and this is the best way I can comfortably do it. School isn't my thing.. I'm more all about jumping in balls to the wall and getting experience for what I actually need.

I dunno, makes sense to me.

Things.. seem different. Clearer? Who knows.

More at 11.