So, for this week my online English class had to write a "how to" paper. Being the ridiculous person I am, I wrote a 1000 word essay on how to construct the perfect subway sub. Needless to say its the biggest load of bullshit ever, but it's entertaining none the less.. and it is what I do to make your sandwiches, after all. It's just that i talk about it as if it's some amazing feat when I'm just making a fucking sandwich =P At any rate, I hope you enjoy it. Learn well, for these are all of my "sandwich artist" top-secret secrets. heh.
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For two years I have been working at the local Subway in town. It’s been the only job I have ever had and you can say I have a bit of the run of the place. People there depend on me and respect me. They could all be fooling me, but from what I hear, I make a really good sandwich. All of my friends and even some random customers will request that I make their sub, which some have donned the “Jordanwich.”
I think some of this is due to the fact that I don’t mess around when it comes to making the subs. I make sure that I grab the freshest bread, make the perfect cuts and place the perfect amount of toppings. A few intentionally accidental extra pieces of meat with no questions asked help a little as well. It really just comes down to care and not slopping it all together in five seconds just to get it finished.
The first step in the Subway sandwich creating process is asking the customer what kind of bread they would like. Once you are told, try to find the softest bread you possibly can. Every once in awhile the bread can tend to be a little hard due to over baking, so be careful in choosing the home for your meats and vegetables to reside. The main foundation to a good sandwich is it’s bread. And you can’t have a perfect sandwich without the perfect bread.
Next, ask what kind of sandwich you are making. Today, we’re going to make an Italian BMT. Did you know that BMT stands for “Boston Mass Transit”? Yes, many years ago every Subway sub was named after a different subway transit system. The only name using that method that stuck was the BMT.
First, cut your bread at a forty five degree angle perfectly straight along the bread. Do not cut along the “seam” of the bread, or the sandwich will not close right. Next, place six pieces of Genoa salami, six pieces of pepperoni and four pieces of ham along the top section of your bread. Then, place four pieces of the requested cheese across the top of the meat.
Ask the customer if they would like to have their sandwich toasted. If they say yes, lift the sub using the paper it is placed on and set it onto the black toaster mat. Then, open the toaster, place the giant spatula underneath your sandwich, lift, and slide the sub into the toaster. Close the door and look at the menu panel. There are many different options for toasting your sub. In addition to the kind of sandwich it also asks you to choose how big and how many subs are being toasted. What you want to do for the BMT is select the “hot well/one meat” button and then select “foot long”. This selection is primarily used for subs comprised of lunch meats. This will toast the sandwich to perfection and not burn it like the other selections will.
Toasting can be very tricky. You don’t want to toast it to much or the sub will burn. Alternatively, you shouldn’t under toast either for the meat will be cold. After much testing I have found the best combination of selections for the perfect toast. Sometimes Subway’s recommendations for toasting can heed unsatisfying results. The best thing to do is experiment for yourself.
Once the BMT is finished toasting, take the sub out of the toaster and place it back onto your work area. Your next task is the vegetables. Like everything else, the proper amount of vegetables is prime for the perfect sub. Can you believe that Subway insists you place just six olives, six banana peppers and six pickles? Just six. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to notice just six olives are even on my sandwich. No. I break away from the norm to deliver you, the consumer, the best sub eating experience. However, you don’t want to overdo it with the vegetables either. To many banana peppers could choke you. So a happy medium for the vegetables is required.
The customer wants lettuce, tomatoes, olives, onions and banana peppers on their sandwich today. So, start by fluffing half a handful of lettuce all the way across the bottom of your bread. You need to fluff the lettuce. Anything less than a proper fluff is unsatisfactory. Next, place six tomatoes evenly across the sub on top of the lettuce. You want to try and find the freshest tomatoes possible. Admittedly, the Subway tomatoes have a tendency to get very soft and squishy. Try your hardest to find the freshest, crispest tomatoes in the pan. Next, instead of six, just take a finger full of the olives, banana peppers and onions. This, I found to be the sufficient amount of these particular vegetables.
Your daunting quest for the perfect sandwich is nearly complete. You next need to ask what kind of dressing they would prefer. Today the customer would like Italian dressing, so grasp the bottle of dressing and squeeze three passes across the vegetables. Runny dressing on the vegetables, thick dressing across the meats. Close the sub and cut directly down the middle with a knife. Place the finished sub onto the pile of wrappers and wrap the sandwich tightly. We don’t want our masterpiece to be rolling around in the customer’s bag, do we?
Ring up the customer and present to them their Subway sub with a smile. Wish them well as they are leaving and walk to the back where you will complain about them. Congratulations, you have just experienced the creation of the perfect Jordanwich. Make your family and friends one of these using the steps I have provided and everyone will love you.
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You feel just so fulfilled after reading that, aren't you? I know I am. Now go off and construct you own perfect Jordanwiches.
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